Thursday November 22, 2007
The Delusion
People are only as genuine as we ask them to be. They may provide us with what we are able to convey to them we need, we want, we cannot have less than, but rarely more than that.
I used to believed that people wouldn't change, couldn't change even when asked ever so politely.
I believed that what I got in life was what I deserved to get and not limited by my ability to ask for what I needed or wanted. I spent much too long following a path that I believed I should follow, not because it was my path but because other people desired that I follow it. I can't say that I was happy. I can't say that I was satisfied, and worst, of all, I can't say that it brought me anything but pain, frustration, and disappointment. I wasted four years trying to fall in line, be what I thought I should be, and settling for what I thought should be enough for someone in this life. What I wanted to do, what I wanted to feel, and who I wanted to be, ignored.
The truths to the questions I was too scared to ask are being laid out before me like the pages of an accordion book tilted just a little too far to one side. It comes as no surprise. My life unfolds to me only as fast as I let it; if I don't open it myself, it will be opened for me in time....way too much time after it should have been seen, understood, and lived. My delusions of what I believed to be enough for the life I thought I should live, put aside. The present that I wasted in the hopes of a future of something I never had to begin with, gone.
Although, the truths of others can hurt when seen for the first time, it is our own truths which heal us and bring us, scars hidden, to where we need to be. As I take in the truths of the people around me, and begin to understand how love can be different from one person to the next, I admire their strength and hold them not to the person I believe they can be but to the person they are.
I continue to remind myself of the 3 things that kept me going years ago:
1. Sometimes it's hard to see *how* you love someone because of *how much* you love them.
2. You can only find in someone what you are ready to see.
3. If you sell your soul, ask for a lot; in the end, it's never enough.
Posted by: lil shaver @ 05:49 PM • • Permalink
Filed under: Journal
Wednesday October 17, 2007
The Aunts Go Marching One By One.
Last night at 10:30ish EST, four Ontario residents, one England resident, and one Quebec resident became Aunts to Claire Madeline Shaver. At 6lbs 14oz and less than 1 day old, she has already managed a feat thought to be impossible by Physics Professors and Sir Issac Newton himself, she has wrapped a 6ft4in man around her little finger, by all accounts only millimeters wide.
Posted by: lil shaver @ 05:31 PM • • Permalink
Filed under: Journal
Sunday September 16, 2007
It's beginning to look a lot like.......sick time.
It must be fall. I have my seasonal sore throat, which turns into a sinus infection and earache as I try to clean all the germs out of my apartment and pump vitamins and rest into my body. There are no good cures. No matter what I do or don't do, it lasts just short of a week. Feeling worse as I get better.
I wage war against the onslaught of germs coming from my classmates, fellow bus patrons, and anyone, really, I am confined to a small space with for any length of time. The weather drops, my windows stay closed for longer amounts of time, and hot beverages become the drink of choice.
Fresh ginger and mint tea in the largest of glass jars I can find, keeps me company on my desk as I try to get my brain to work and my assignments done, although it may be reason enough to be sick all season long.
Posted by: lil shaver @ 08:37 PM • • Permalink
Filed under: Journal
Thursday May 24, 2007
Just Another Reason To Run Around In My Underwear....
Last summer my mother told me about a fundraising event that she thought was interesting. It's called the Underwear Affair and pretty much involves walking or running in your underwear to raise money for cancer "below the belt". The event was being held in Vancouver. I told my roommate at the time about the event and how funny I thought it was, he agreed. Funny translates to "I would totally do that".
Earlier this year, this same former-roommate informed me that he had heard on the radio that an Underwear Affair was going to be held in Montreal this summer, and gave me the website to check out.
Having moved in to my new apartment a whole 8 days ago and counting my days off since then at 1, I figured, why not start a team, aptly named St.Urbain Sweeties, and see if I can raise $4,000 in the next 7 days to help try to find a cure for cancers "below the belt". If you would like to help find a cure or just encourage my efforts to run around in underwear, you can make donations online HERE.
One of my new roommates has joined the team, making us 2 strong. We are going to see how many of our friends we can wrangle up in the next week to join the team and
who knows, should we reach our goal of $4,000, we may even be encouraged to do it again next year, with a little more forethought and planning!
Posted by: lil shaver @ 11:08 PM • • Permalink
Filed under: Journal
Tuesday May 01, 2007
Applying Myself
I have not-so-recently realized that I am the epitome of "bad at keeping in touch". I have slightly-more-recently realized that working too much and not taking care of myself is a great way to waste a precious life and stay distant from my loved ones, whom I am fortunate enough to still have in my life despite my awful communication skills. I have rather-recently decided that the future is now. So, with my textbooks packed away, my new apartment found, and the packing begun, I will take this time to find new ways to stay in touch with my loved ones and to update my priorities. But it doesn't end there; as I was finalizing my applications to McGill Faculty of Engineering(!!), I realized that I was incredibly hard to get a hold of, as well.
I had to wait for someone to call me back with the information I was looking for, but I was at work so I had no access to a fax machine, the internet, nor my cell phone. Due to the May 1st deadline for my application, I was becoming rather frantic trying to get a hold of someone at McGill who had the information I needed, and waiting on hold for extended periods of time while still doing my job as receptionist at a hair salon proved to be more than trying and by the end of the day, approaching exhausting.
Fortunately, my Dov-ely roommate was home when I got in. We went out for dinner with his brother where I was able to let go of the stress that had been mounting in my body over the last week or so and enjoy some good 'ol Bayou cuisine. It's good to get out of the work-and-study-all-the-time mindset, and just let go...
Currently, I am FACEBOOKed, MSNed, GOOGLE TALKed, and checking my e-mails ALL the time.
Posted by: lil shaver @ 03:11 PM • • Permalink
Filed under: Journal
Monday October 30, 2006
Procrastination-- (trust me, it's a verb!)
Procrastination- verb. The fine art of housecleaning while textbooks glare and whisper the count-down to exams and assignment due dates.
I've never formally studied this art but am becoming incredibly well versed in its subtleties, intricacies, complexities... and other words I've recently googled between sweeping and mopping. With 3 hours remaining before my midterm, late birthday presents wrapped with matching tissue paper, ribbon, and wrapping paper, it looks like my toe nails need painting.
Posted by: lil shaver @ 02:54 PM • • Permalink
Filed under: Journal
Wednesday September 06, 2006
The Thought Process
The doorbell rang and I thought: who could that be?....It's September 6th... must be my birthday present....
I signed for the package and thought: it looks like cds....interesting...
I opened the package, saw some gold cloth and thought: she is awesome with the wrapping....
I read the card and thought: so sweet, (and scratchy with the writing, he must have written it himself) "catch up on your reading" ....must be an oddly shaped book?...
I saw Sephora on the gold cloth and thought: a book of makeup?....
I opened the bag of gold cloth, saw a black box and thought: a nicely designed black book-like box.... of makeup....how unusual.....
I opened the book-like black box and said: SHUT UP!?!....SHUT UP?!...SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP......SERIOUSLY....SHUT UP!
I got a nano in the mail and thought: SHUT UP!
....and THANK YOU.....seriously though, shut up!
Posted by: lil shaver @ 02:25 PM • • Permalink
Filed under: Journal
Wednesday August 16, 2006
"Because I said So....."
It's my birthday and I'll tell you what to do if I want to......
I'd like to introduce you to your tribe and our tribe. It only takes a few seconds and might just make your day. It'll definitely make mine...(and for those of you not paying attention, it is MY DAY.)
Step1: hug a relative (or call and remind them that you love them). This is the tribe you were given.
Step2: hug a friend (or call...same as above). This is the tribe you have made.
Pay attention: this is your tribe.
Step3: do something nice for someone who isn't a card-carrying member of your tribe.
Again, pay attention, it's almost over: now you have helped a member of our tribe, who may or may not be a member of one of your member's tribe.....sound familiar?
Go forth and do this, because it's my birthday, and (just like the title says) I said so.
Posted by: lil shaver @ 01:18 PM • • Permalink
Filed under: Journal
Friday July 14, 2006
Beware........my mind can make things happen
I was walking through my apartment after work and having stopped at the dep to pick up a six-pack, and I thought to myself, "the way this week has been going, it would be just my luck if the beers were all empty". The next best thing happened. As I was putting them in the fridge, sure enough, one was broken and filled with mold. So I went back to the dep and got a new six-pack. I learned a very valuable lesson: THINKING IS BAD. I plan on doing as little thinking as possible for the next few days. I'm sure a beer tonight will help that along nicely.
Posted by: lil shaver @ 10:50 PM • • Permalink
Filed under: Journal
Friday June 30, 2006
The Epitome Of My Hero
I would have liked this to be an ode to my hero, but I'm no good at poems. My hero is a man who anyone could pass on the street not knowing that they are in the presence of greatness. He has all of the qualities one would associate with a movie star hero. He is strong and powerful although he most likely wouldn't admit it. He is successful and warm and charming. He has a heart of gold and the ability to see the good in people. My hero is human and he is more likely to admit his faults than take credit for his strengths. He is a man that I have admired for a long time. When I met him I think I must have known that he was a good man, but I can't say that I can remember that far back. The thing about heroes is that they are just a person that you know and there is no actual moment in time when they become heroes; when you look back it seems that they have always been there and they have always had those qualities that you think are awe-worthy. So, my hero was just a kid at some point and now he is someone that I look up to. Someone who is as excited about my achievements, no matter how small, as I am and sometimes more. My hero doesn't judge my mistakes and knows my strengths better than I know them myself. My hero likes people that do good for other people. My hero does good for other people. My hero makes me cry with his warm words of love and understanding and support. My hero is awesome. My hero is my brother and we should all be so fortunate as to know him.
Posted by: lil shaver @ 11:45 PM • • Permalink
Filed under: Journal
Tuesday June 06, 2006
LIFE IS GOOD
life is good, work is good. My jobs are keeping me super busy. I got involved in a "good people doing good" kind of thing that I'll tell you about later but for now just know that I'm loving life. My jobs are keeping me busy and my roommates are making me laugh when I don't wake up just happy to be me and my secret little projects are going well. When they come to fruition, I'll be sure to announce it! I hope all of you are doing well and that you have atleast a few minutes to remember that 'LIFE IS GOOD!'
Posted by: lil shaver @ 07:26 PM • • Permalink
Filed under: Journal
Monday April 17, 2006
The Love Shack Lives On....
The love shack was created by a community of friends in Tokyo during the summer and early fall of 2002. It was a truely beautiful place to be. A few strangers coming together to support eachother in the ups and downs of life and travel abroad. Complete with a little dog named Ty-Ty, we were a force to be reconned with. In the three and a half years since that time, I have reminised with warmth for that time in my life, when the major decision were left to the Good Man Upstairs and the little decisions we concerned ourselves with were: ketchup or mustard on our burgers?, red or white wine?, and how many pillows do we need to comfortably watch a movie pilled on our friends in the living room?
The first person awake started breakfast, the last one in at night got the couch. Problems were solved with love, we cried on eachother's shoulders and laughed until we were crying again.
The love shackers have continued to travel and add to the troup. A text message while I'm at my desk studying for my finals took me a few thousand miles away, next to T, packing her suitcase and picking up her ticket to head back to the Shack. And I had to take a minute to realize that the photos on my wall aren't of a time and friends gone but of love that is still here with me everyday just as I am with them.
Love really does conquer all......and when you can't go home, you're always welcome at the Love Shack.
Posted by: lil shaver @ 02:02 PM • • Permalink
Filed under: Journal
Thursday March 23, 2006
MS Access--Not Just Time Saving....
....but consuming as well.
I thought I had come to an understanding with the version of MS Access on my computer: "let me get an A in my class and I promise to leave you alone for the rest of my life, or yours, whichever you like."
We were starting to get along like an old married couple who had done too much drinking in their youth to remember why it was they were married and if they'd ever actually been happy together.
I would ask Mr. Access to do something and he would do it, warning me from time to time when I was about to do something that may harm my database or he thought was questionable (I'd tell him to stop being so stubborn and do as I said). It was going well, like a second honeymoon, atleast I thought so.
As I was approaching the end to a rather lengthy step in my assignment, I managed to delete a crucial and (more importantly) LARGE portion of my database....without a single warning or red flag, it was gone. 150 records....and all the queries and whatnot that I now have to re-enter and re-generate.
Well, we'll see whose dinner is cold tomorrow, whose bed is left unmade, and WHO it is getting the silent treatment this time. Take that---Mr. Access. And let this be a warning to all other computer programs I have to work with in the future.......there's plenty of room out back with the tape deck that ate my tape in 8th grade.
Posted by: lil shaver @ 01:01 AM • • Permalink
Filed under: Journal
Monday March 20, 2006
Sunshine Is a Welcome Change
It was nice to wake up this morning to sunshine pouring through my bedroom window. It's a rare occurance lately. It's been grey and rainy and snowy for so long I almost forgot what sunshine was.
Let the sunshine cause this winter was h@%* and it couldn't end fast enough. This last cold spirt has driven me mad and I can't wait to be able to walk to class again and not have to put on three layers to go down the block. My sneakers are calling my name and they want to see the outside world again.
Posted by: lil shaver @ 03:02 PM • • Permalink
Filed under: Journal